I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
