oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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