What did we do last night that was yellow?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
