I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
