I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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