At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
