Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
