end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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