My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
