I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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