well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
