so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
