So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
