I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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