Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
