I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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