dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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