dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize