Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
