Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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