no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
