I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
