I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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