Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
