Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
