Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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