I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
