so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
