This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
