Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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