John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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