five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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