Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
