ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
