I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
