If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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