There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have demons in me.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
