I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Say something about gay babies.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
