a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
