yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
