I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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