if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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