Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
splinters make it hard to masturbate
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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