I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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