Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
