just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There r osticjed everywhere
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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