i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
