Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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