Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
