i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
