Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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