Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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