That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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