Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
