she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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