He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
