I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
