she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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