I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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