my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
