His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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