remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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