and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
