so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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