We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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