I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I cut my penus on the lid.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
