ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
this is an emotional support booty call
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
