My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
