worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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